Any advice at the junction of my life?

am a 21 year old woman, there have been the best of times and there have been the worst of times, I hope you are still willing to consider my request for advice. My life I would describe as a superhighway with bumps. Sometimes the bumps were so serious that I lost people I loved and ended up with horrible things happening.





When I was younger my mother was an alcoholic she would drink copious amounts of wine (she told me and my little brother it was apple juice but we knew it made her go ';funny';) . My dad got custody of me and my little brother and my step mother made it clear she didnt like me (I was 7 at this time). She was emotionally abusive in the beginning which I could cope with I was like any other kid, climbing trees, playing hide and seeek etc. She began to get physically abusive when I was about 12 but what I would do was suppress all my feelings so I was numb to it. I started drinking, staying out late, getting into trouble etc





I then met this man, he was lovely and charming at first and I thought he was going to rescue me from my nightmare. I fell pregnant and it was then that he began being emotionally and physically abusive to me. This went on for 3 years and again I supressed the pain I was feeling.





Now its me and my daughter I am learning to drive and attemding college in September. But it feels like theres something missing within me, I have down days when everything seems doom and gloom, then there are other days when I couldn't get any higher. However I struggle with relationships terribly I have been getting inviolved with bad people and taking drugs as a form of escapism. I know its wrong, it feels wrong!, My present self seems to be lost, though my past self, Where and how do I find intimacy and joy in this life I now live??Any advice at the junction of my life?
I think your first priority now.. despite of all the **** that happened in your past.. you are a survivor.. and you need that strength.. because you are no longer on your own.. your daughter needs you, and you should do what you planned, learn to drive and finish college.. then maybe join a club where you meet people of your own age.. You will have something in common with them.. you will make friends.. and often when you least expect it, you may become friends with one of those people you join a hobby with. You may as a ''friend'' get invited to their home, there may be a party.. and the ''right guy '' may just be waiting there.. Don't go desperately looking for him, but socialize, don't withdraw.. Meet people and remain open minded.. but watch the signals properly .. don't move in with a guy unless you believe there is a great friendship you have established with him.. If he shows little signs of trying to ''manipulate you'' that is a sign he is another of those guy who want to pysically or verbally (emotionally abuse) Most men aren't like that.. but some women fall for the same kind of guy .. you don't want that and it would be horrible for your daughter to grow up and see mom beaten up or mom being emotionally abused by the guyt she accepts as ''a dad substitute..'' Sally Field is a great actress.. she is over 60 now I believe, she still looks youthful.. but all her life, she never managed to be happy in a relationship because in all her marriages she fell for guys who emotionally and physically abused her.. She said that only recently.. she was married 3 or 4 times.. and each of the men she picked to marry, became her emotional or physical abuser.. In order to avoid that, meet a guy and give the relationship a chance to grow from a sincere friendship where there ''has got to be'' mutual respect, honesty and mutual trust'' and of course if something is not right .. one has to be able to talk and communicate with each other, share ones hopes, fears, dreams, joys.. thoughts.. all that has to be there.. if you find a guy like that, and it's possible, then he is the right one.. any soft manipulation.. already in the dating stage of the relationship.. ''get out of it'' it is going to get worse, that is a sign he might become verbally (emotionally ) or even physically abusive.. and you don't want a guy like that in your life. then it's much better to just make the best of life with your daughter but also do socialize and go out, meet friends, make new friends, join a club, fulfill your goals.. with the driving and finishing college, get a job.. a job you like, remain open minded depite of what happened to you.. but also use your head not just your heart.. and let a relationship grow.. from frienship to love.. and that is my advice to you and I wish you and your daughter luck and that you find that soulmate..Any advice at the junction of my life?
sounds to me like u may be bi-polar, maybe if u were on the proper medication it would help control the mood swings
First and formost you have to be strong for your child. Using drugs and alch are only bad in your case and cases like it where people use them to escape from there problems. Use them to add fun to your already fun life, you may have to find out how to do that first tho. As a kid that grew up in the SAME type houshold i can tell you this. and im about 50% sure.


Your faild relationships are as a result of your upbringing. What you have been tought is right and wrong is far from reality It was most likly a manipulation tactic to get out of you what she and your dad wanted. whether it be bringing you down emotionaly or being non stop condicending and making sure you always know whos in charge. Some step parents are really bad at that i think. And the real parent will stand by and watch in feer and not do anything about it to save his own marrige with no regard to his own flesh and blood. Your mom sounds like a nice person with a problem as my mom had. She must have been sweet and gental and loving and you were forced to live in an inviroment where love wasnt there, just ownership if you know what i mean. Maybe your mom never got the chance she desereved to be with you guys. And if im wrong and your mom was a monster i appoligise. Just cause your 21 does not mean you have it figured out. Im thinking the men you are attracted to have the same qualities that you see say in your stepmom. Its not your falt Its strange to think but im sure that you find it easyer to be around that kind of person because thats what your used to, you know? Its like you dont know any different and maybe afraid to try something different, cause you JUST dont know what it will bring, and thats understanable. Finding someone good takes work because you have to look for things you have never looked for before. Things that you may not recognise and feelings you have never felt around sertain people. Dont lower yourself to being with a bad person cause you feel thats all you are worth. You ARE worth so much more and i dont even know you. I dont know if i answerd your question, and if i only answered part of it, and your serching for the rest, just look along the lines im setting forth and go off them, im no pro and im only 19 but i understand people like you wouldnt belive trust me your dwelling to much on your past, im guilty of it to and dont tink it dosnt affect me, but i deal with it differently.