Big problem, need advice. Step daughter wrecking my life.?

I have a step daughter, Kasondra (Kassi) who in the past, I have had some problems with. I never said or did anything about the problems until she was 16 and driving, and didn't want to have her visitation with her father because of me. She would come over late after already feeding herself Panda Express, and then wouldn't want to eat dinner with the family or anything I cooked. Ever. She was blatantly rude and no body would guide her back to respect so it went on and on. My husband became more and more hurt and more and more spineless. I hated what was happening. I was cooking for her, thinking she would eat something else, something I made special for her, and never would she even attempt a bite. At this time, I had two young babies, that were up a lot in the night and I was working full time. I wasn't getting a lot of sleep and the small amount I was getting was very valuable. When she would spend her obligatory every other weekend here, she would again, arrive late, stay up watching TV until late and then sleep late..as in most of the day. Her schedule was interfering with everything the household was doing. One night her father said clearly, Kassi, I want you to go to bed by midnight, and she said yes, at 11:30, I'm up nursing a baby knowing that my next baby will wake up soon and want some love or a bottle or whatever, 12 midnight comes and 12 midnight goes, and Kassi sits in the living room watching TV and disturbing the ';back to bed'; time for the baby. I say, ';hey, your dad wants you in bed'; and she rolls her eyes and does nothing. I turn off the TV. She turns it back on. I move and sit next to her. Right next to her. Finally she goes to bed. The next day, we have a camping trip and she comes along with a big chip on her shoulder, she tries to run away and takes (steals) her brother's car in order to get off of what she calls the camping trip from hell. No one is bothering her, just asking her to be there. She runs home and her mother says she is going to lose her cell phone. So during the week, I text her and ask her if she is feeling better. She doesn't answer my text so I figure she lost her cell phone. Friday arrives again, and she sneeks into the house and hides in her room. I don't even realize she's home. I open her bedroom door and say, ';wow, I didn't know you were here, hey I texted you this week, did you my messages?'; she says ';yes'; very sharply, I say, ';oh, how come you didn't answer'; and she screams until her face is purple, ';BECAUSE I DiDn't want to'; so I slam her door, just a reaction but I was getting pissed here. I opened it again and said, ';just for your information, you're not staying up until all hours of the morning watching TV, and I'm vacuuming your room at 9am sharp'; and I slam the door again. After which she climbs out her bedroom window and tells everyone I'm a witch and she refuses to come back. For two years. Fast forward two and 1/2 years. She gets pregnant. Big surprise. Everyone in the long lost family rallies around her pretending she never hurt anyone. she is 18 and will be 19 when the baby arrives. Everyone blames me for her disappearance and I am the ugh second wife, the outsider and the one that will never be forgiven. She starts coming around again, and I apologize to her and she to me. She comes by now and then but wont' ever come in and visit with me, or ask how am I or anything. I figure nothing. I'm trying to do the right thing and make things right and i am cordial and kind and thoughtful. I get her two shower gifts for two showers, go to both showers and all seems fine. Except she wont' come up to the door if I'm home without her father and she'll sit in the car and wait. She will never have a one on one conversation with me and I don't even notice well, yes, but not a big deal to me. So the baby is born and my husband and I are out of town. I am so excited. He gets angry with me for something stupid early in the day and when the baby arrives, he won't let me say congratulations, he won't let me celebrate with him, he's shutting me out. I'm an outsider and I just became a grandma. I send her a text and say what is the babies name, she does not reply back, my husband texts her and within seconds, she answers him. I see a problem but am in denial. Back at home, we go see the baby and I get my photo taken with the baby and am so happy and then I see a HUGE floral teddy bear in her living room and a great big banner on the teddy bear says, ';Proud Grandpa';. I'm hurt. okay, I'm starting to feel like I'm not a grandma. Fast forward baby is 2 months old. I run a daycare by day. Kassi is home during the day most of the time, and only needs help with the baby sometimes so I expect sooner or later the baby will come over and I will relish my moments as Grandma. That never happens. Something weird is happening and I can't figure out why. When my husband, the proud grandpa is asked to take care of the baby, Madilynn, he picks her up himself from herBig problem, need advice. Step daughter wrecking my life.?
WOW that was a novel. No where in there do you say you love her. You dont seem to make any effort to have a real relationship with her. You dont talk to her. You get offended that she wont eat your dinners and actually wants to stay up watching tv....sounds like every teenager known to man. You want to reap the rewards of a relationship you never earned in the first place.





She sounds like she was a brat too. Yeah. But I mean, all teenagers just want some independence and it made it so much harder to be in her split family relationship with step mom always offended at whatever she was doing. I mean, seriously. She stayed up late watching tv and didnt eat your dinner. So what.





Id say forget about being grandma and work on loving her. Talking to her. And maybe even respecting her enough to ask HER why she doesnt get along with you and what you can do for her. (not what YOU think you should be doing, but what she tells you she needs..since you arent getting that figured out on your own)Big problem, need advice. Step daughter wrecking my life.?
I wouldn't say this was the best answer. Report Abuse

WOW!





And your husband allows this crap? Does he have a spine? If you think he has a spine and he is still allowing this then you need to question his priorities. He has an obligation to stand up for you and to exercise some control of his daughter, two things he has not been doing. Had one of my daughters or my family treated my second wife like that I would have gone through the ceiling. That is completely wrong and continues to be wrong. You do not deserve to be treated this way and your husband is the problem.





Lay down the law. You can go to pick up your granddaughter with your husband and you will be treated with courtesy and respect, period! If she refuses to come in, walk out to the car and speak to her. If she doesn't answer refuse to allow her in your home whatsoever. Tell your husband that since all household assets are community property that before giving her money or gifts you expect to be consulted. Then put up resistance because of the way you are treated. Put your husband on the spot and bring the matter to a head. Unless you do that and soon the problems are only going to get worse.
hey marina..i have a step parent myself so i understand how Kassi would automatically hate you..for no reasons..


you seems nice and treat her really well. I think the fault here is the dad who didn't step in and fix the problem. you should take more action too. i.e. talk to your husband and her even mre. Ask her why she hates you etc.
Very sad story. This girl is a spoiled brat, and her father is contributing to it all the time.


Unless he supports U over her, he is not being a responsible person. But it seems that he has already chosen her over U. How sad. There is not much U can do about this except to stand up for yourself in the few ways available to U -- such as the running of the vacuum sweeper early in the morning (that was a good move on your part) I hope U can keep your other children on your side!


Basically U need to stop being so nice to her, and wasting your emotions on someone who does not appreciate U.
I'd sit down with your husband and talk to him about everything that's happened. It's not fair that she was a teenage drama queen with a chip on her shoulder, and that you should be blamed for it. She chose to get pregnant and have a baby and you've been very very nice to her given the circumstances.





If he doesn't like what you have to say about his precious kassi then I'd divorce him. Sounds like a spineless unworthy git anyway.
You need to stop, back up, and look at the tool you have for a husband! No wonder she is the way she is...look at her dad! If he doesn't want to put YOU up on the pedestal, listen to YOUR feelings and make YOUR needs #1, then you need to find someone that will. I am a man and let me tell ya, there is no kid in this world (not even my own) that is going to treat MY wife that way while I sit back and except it and just let it happen...oh hell no!!.....and you can let little Miss Priss know that until she wants to grow up and learn how to respect, then she can just KEEP her inconsiderate *** away from you AND your home. You, nor your young kids need someone like that around them. Dad needs to do some soul searching, shape the hell up and get a handle on this crap.


What ever you do, do NOT think this is your fault but you should have been more firm from the beginning (with him and her). Proud Grandpa needs a swift kick in the butt. The dad is the one letting the step brat ruin your life, not the brat! Why isn't he standing behind you on this?