Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Need advice for being happy and assertive in my life!?

I have a great life. Husband of 9 years and 2 young children and great friends. The problem is I can never relax and just enjoy things. I am always worring about everyone else being ok or finding things to worry about. I dont know how to let go and just really relax and have fun without constantly worring about ANYTHING. I also need to be more assertive and be able to speak up for myself and tell people no if I need to. Help...Need adviceNeed advice for being happy and assertive in my life!?
i was the same way, no real reason to worry yet always worrying.. then one day we received a big health scare with a loved one and once i tasted that kind of fear/worry, when things resumed to normal i was able to truly savor all that was good and made me appreciate it even more. count your blessings regularly and know that life is short and fragile so let us all enjoy it when things are going well with our loved ones being happy and healthy...





as for being assertive... know that you are worthy of respecting yourself by exercising your God given right to assume your place in this world. be strong, dont feel guilty... people are bold - as long as you dont intentionally hurt others, you wont hurt ppl just by honoring yourself.





good luck and DONT WORRY BE HAPPY, always!!! :)Need advice for being happy and assertive in my life!?
Well it is ok to be a little selfish. dont be guilty for saying o or wanting to have some time to yourself. Make a commitment to a class, activity or charitable organization.
I wish i knew the answer. This way it will help me too.
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  • Wasting my life? feel like a failure! advice please?

    -i'm 26, male, English, don't have degree, but have 2 2 year diplomas.


    -have work experience in sports centres, coaching/teaching children.


    -am living in Taiwan, and have studied Chinese full time for 1yr 4mnths.





    My plan is to study Chinese for another year and then do a degree in China (it would be in Chinese, not English) then graduate FINALLY when i am 32, is this too old, i really don't know what to do with my time and i'm scared i'm wasting it!


    help. thank you for any advice you have.Wasting my life? feel like a failure! advice please?
    What do you enjoy doing?To site the old saying... ';A man who loves what he does will never work a day in his life.'; You have work experience, was there somethings you've enjoyed more than others? I love kids, virtually all of my jobs have involved children to some degree.





    Do you really want or need that chinese degree? Maybe you need to return to England? Degrees do not necessarily equal success. They may help, but it's not the be all-end all.





    I believe you'll be fine. Think about this in the grade scheme of things. 5 Years from now where do you hope to be? How important will all this stress be to you? Hope I helped.Wasting my life? feel like a failure! advice please?
    The best way to quit worrying about wasting your life is to do something useful with it while you are working towards your own goals. VOLUNTEER. Find a way to help other people without getting paid for it. Step outside of yourself to really find yourself.
    i'm scared that i'm wasting time too and i'm only 16...but I think its normal to think that you are wasting your life. But dude, you are living in a foreign country, you have learned a different culture and experienced a different culture. Trust me thats enough to atleast be proud of yourself, there are people in Kansas and other parts of America who have never even left their town.
    if you are doing your best then you will have to learn you can do no more than your best. and if you are pursuing your passion then it will always find its way to your completion. i think your resume looks very impressive.

    Its a life problem, I need some advice.?

    Ok, 5 - 6 weeks ago i just got back from Bali (Indonesia) And I text everyone ';Hey I'm back! I'm bored though, in customs... entertain me.';


    Nearly everyone messaged back saying welcome back and stuff.





    My ex-best friend ';Manda'; and her boyfriend never messaged back. (background info, she is pissed off with my family because my parents kicked her out.)


    her boyfriend found his mobile and took it too school. Manda found it, hacked his phone (he had a password on it) And went into his messages. Found the one from me and thought it meant something else. I heard that in his out box was a message for me saying ';Welcome back babe, i missed you.'; They had an argument.





    Now just today i was told this, and in my last school class these girls from school somehow knew and kept saying ';At least we don't sent love messages to our best friends boyfriends!'; I started getting upset, then an awesome guy stood up for me. I was wondering if anyone can offer some advice? Also Her boyfriend and I are just close mates and we wouldn't do anything like that, or I wouldn't. Its a life problem, I need some advice.?
    -DemosthenesIts a life problem, I need some advice.?
    She's a slut and being a loser about her B/F (NOT ATTRACTIVE)


    if other people come up to you wondering if this is true, tell nothing but the truth. As far as this girl is concerned..ignore her. Shes the one that is trying to get attention. when really she is being nothing but immature! Be the bigger one!!!!
    your best friend can turn out to be your worst enemy,


    read mine


    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?…





    best friend related too.


    and well if shes really a friend sit her down talk to her


    she should believe you and if not then thats her if shes willing to throw away a good friend ship for a guy then thats her





    hehe weird my names amanda... but i'm not that manda:]
    sit her down and talk to her about the situation
    His text sounds innocent enough to me. I can understand her being upset, but the term 'babe' is used in general conversation by many people today without meaning anything. A lot of people use these endearments regularly regardless of who they are talking to, like hun, dear, girl.





    I wouldn't think anything about the text. You know that you did nothing wrong, and he knows that he did nothing wrong. Let him work out his problems with his girlfriend on his own. She may have been more upset with him because of her fight with your family than she might have been otherwise.





    If friends or classmates say anything, tell them that you know nothing about what was in his phone and that the two of you have not and would not cheat on or betray his girlfriend/your friend.





    It would be nice to go thank the guy who stood up for you. It's always nice to have that one person who believes in you and will stand up for you when you're in the midst of people who are judgmental, critical, talking about and/or condemning you unjustly.
    umm, i dont think sitting her down and talking to her will work unless you have the nerve to. i dont have the same problem but kind of same feeling about wanting to talk to that person. but instead got pelted by basketballs. if u wanna know what happened, we're not sworn enemies but we're not friends either. there are only two things to do, either to get even, or sendher a note saying it's a misunderstanding and if she still won't listen then forget about her. she's not that important in your life.

    Work weirdness -- politics, antics, I need help with getting work savvy advice and learning about life!?

    My manager and her cohort made me in charge of a project at a very late stage. It's going to be hard to execute and do it right, so I was dropped the hot potato. The people I'm working with are not too strong either, and I'm not too optimistic we can do it.





    I was told I was managing this project, but unofficially up until recently. I'm not in upper management, so I'm not involved with all aspects of the project and fear that I was brought in as the sacrificial lamb. (Is this what can happen?)





    My manager who put me in charge, manages me and all projects, so I feel if something goes wrong or happens, I just need to report it to her (it's out of my control in other words)





    How do I navigate this situation to my advantage? How do I protect myself? I've been reading through the lines to ';play/act dumb'; if the ball drops. Is this what people do? Is this what I should do?





    I need some work savvy advice from people who know the ropes out there. Any advice for me? ThanksWork weirdness -- politics, antics, I need help with getting work savvy advice and learning about life!?
    Treat it like an audition. It might be one.





    There is no time for indecisiveness. Jump in with both feet and take the reigns.





    If you fail, don't let it be for lack of effort.Work weirdness -- politics, antics, I need help with getting work savvy advice and learning about life!?
    I would put everything in writing having to do with this ';hot potato'; - meaning, write down the stage at which every aspect of the project was in when you were told you were ';officially'; in charge of its progress, and note the resources you would need to complete the project. Resources you need would be people, software, time, and expertise with the subject matter.





    Once you have documented all of the above, come up with a realistic time frame for each step of the way. Review with your manager where you are lacking in time and resources. This will demonstrate an organized approach as well as highlight the fact that you feel you are not being given the tools to adequately complete the project. Also try to understand during this conversation what a satisfactory job completion would mean to your boss, and give him or her project updates frequently. Don't be afraid to assertively ask for more resources, but make sure you stress it's in the interest of completing this project in a satisfactory time frame and with superior results. You can impress in this situation, and learn new organization skills that will help you in the future!





    Best of luck in this difficult situation!
    My guess is that your manager would rather have the project done right than have it fail, so chances are you're her best alternative rather than a sacrifical lamb.





    Of course, it depends on what things have been like in the past in the office. If you have been on the hot seat in the past and you get the feeling that ';One more mistake and you're outta here!'; is hanging over your head, then they may be setting you up for a fall.





    But again, your manager has a manager who judges HER on performance too, so she'd rather look good by pulling in a competant person at the last minute rather than handing the work that's already in jeopardy to someone who's going to ensure that it fails.





    If nothing else, this might be a test to see if you can handle tough situations, which means she has a sense that you CAN! And if you do, you will be in much higher esteem in her eyes. Therefore, this is your chance to stand out.





    I wouldn't play dumb on this one. Usually management wants to see someone step up and take control, with confidence, so that they don't have to worry about it. If I were you, I'd grab the reins and start doing everything you can to make this project better than anyone expected, and completed on time (and within budget, if that's part of your responsibility). You may want to put in extra time and energy on this one. That alone will show you're willing to do whatever it takes to make her look good. That's what gets you ahead in the business world.





    Good luck, and get crackin'!
    Will you listen to yourself for a minuet? ';it's going to be hard';. Give me a break. It's work! It's supposed to be hard. Did you ever think that they are testing you to see if you can perform under pressure? From what I read you just got started and you are already admitting defeat. Why don't you try a new strategy like maybe a change in attitude. Try this, Take over the project and get it done. ';Cant never could do nothing, you got to want to do it';.
    I am not to optimistic that you and your team can get it done either. The reason. It is not that you and your team are lacking the ability or the know how. It is that you are lacking the confidence in yourself and your team to complete the job. If you go into a project with the mind set that you are going to fail then you will fail.





    Success does not come easy. It takes a lot of hard work and effort. Gather your team together and formulate a plan. Find out what each person excels at then place them in charge of that aspect of the project. Put in the extra hours including weekends if need be. Keep your boss up to date on the project and any developments, good or bad. If there is going to be a delay let your boss know right away don't wait til the last minute and use it as an excuse.





    I don't think they are making you the sacrificial lamb. Perhaps they are challenging you to see how well you preform under pressure and to see what leadership skills you have.





    Now get off the computer and get to work. You can have an outline of what needs to be accomplished completed this weekend and be ready to start fresh on Monday morning.





    Good luck. We all know that you can do it if you want to.
    I agree w/ chilli in reference with documenting everything.





    the way you do that is through email in your office.





    Email your manager and say something like I'm a bit confused on the (name of the project) at our meeting on Wed. at 9:30.


    Can you help clarify a few questions so I can get my team going on this project, I don't want to make any mistakes so all of your help is greatly appreciated.





    Be nice, up front and do it through email. Refer in your emails like I did about certain meetings and the times. If your meeting was beyond the current week you are in (because your email will be dated) make sure you say on the 11-15-07 meeting in the conference room.


    It's called CYA....I hope you already know what this means..if not CoverYourAzz!!!





    You will never make it w/ he said she said in your situation.





    If I were your manager and I have been a manager for many years. I would prefer you come to me with questions, then try and figure it out on your own in certain circumstances and this would be one that is legitimate. The only reason I said ';in certain circumstances'; is because I've had very lazy employees who would rather ask then look the question up that all know where her or his question is. That is all I meant by that. I always told my staff that no question is a stupid question. If she doesnt' feel the same way, she's a pretty bad manager and you can always turn it around on her if she give you flack by saying hey, I don't want to fail on this project because that could make you look bad.


    Got it?





    Ask, Document and do, then repeat. Always send your email to your home email address if you can't print them in the office, but do not let anyone catching you doing this. You are covering your own behind here remember.





    Good luck to you and don't pull the act dumb routine. Put her on the spot and put it through emails. Let her know if she could reply via email, that would help you better if you run into in the office and she stands there trying to explain something to you. When or if she doesn't respond within a day and you really need your answer send her another email the next day and say, sorry to bother you but I really need your help to stay on my timeline w/ my team on (project name) but you please just drop me a line and explane .......? Thanks again for you time, I won't let you down as long as what is expected of me is clear, I'll make you look good..It's important to throw the outcome GOOD orBAd back onto her...It is HER department.
    follow your heart
    sometimes when they do this it is for a good reason. you are being given an opportunity to prove yourself under the same pressures that a manager goes through all the time. look at the task and if it seems possible you can do it. if it does not turn out perfect then you can say you tried your best to do it. quitting is not an option unless it is undoable.
    In all situations you should keep your options open when confronted with new work, ';you know I can't carry this off when i'm already committed to the Ryan Project...did you wish for this project to take precidence over my other work?';


    or';??what is our motivation on this project? what should be the results you are looking for and can you also help me to get it into advance stages since you are dropping the ball on me at this late date??
    Very good. You are already on the road to sucsess. Don't worry about the consequences. If it goes wrong...stand up and say ..I fuc*d up and I learned a lesson. If it goes right...you'll be a hero. Never lay the blame on another. That's a sign of weakness. In all companies they sacrifice someone. Usually the new members. Get a jump on them. Say....I looked at this and this is what I think. we can do better if we do this..(bad English) but you get the drift. you take control. Your peers will respect you and your bosses will be amazed.

    Wasting my life? feel like a failure! advice please?

    -i'm 26, male, English, don't have degree, but have 2 2 year diplomas.


    -have work experience in sports centres, coaching/teaching children.


    -am living in Taiwan, and have studied Chinese full time for 1yr 4mnths.





    My plan is to study Chinese for another year and then do a degree in China (it would be in Chinese, not English) then graduate FINALLY when i am 32, is this too old, i really don't know what to do with my time and i'm scared i'm wasting it!


    help. thank you for any advice you have.Wasting my life? feel like a failure! advice please?
    I went to college right out of high school and thought it was a waste so I quit after year 1. I had no idea what I wanted to do... so i spent a lot of time in the military (had a lot of fun, but still thought I was wasting my time...) .


    I spend time in central america doing FUN work.. but nothing real and productive as far as careers go... Came back and decided (still had no clue what I wanted to do) to go back to college... I hated it, but I did my 4 years in engineering.... I didn't REALLY like the jobs I got... felt like I was wasting my life!!!!





    but, all in all, I look back and so far it has been pretty damn good :) And I bet most people think something along these lines... enjoy today as best you can. It all adds up and someday you might look back and say ';hey, that wasn't all that bad a ride!';


    :) Not much help I know... ps. I am 40 something...Wasting my life? feel like a failure! advice please?
    You sound like you're pretty busy. I can think of many other, less productive ways to waste time. Sounds to me like you're handling your business pretty well to me. If you want to add some spice to it, maybe you should take some time to hang out every now and then...go dancing or something.





    Seems to me like you're doing just fine...especially at 26!
    Your life sounds so unique! Just enjoy the moment. You're so lucky. Don't think that far ahead if puts too much pressure on you. Life is what you make it, if you keep aiming for a goal then you'l miss everything thats around you.
    I didn't graduate until I was 35. I then did an MA and I'm doing fine now.





    If you are passionate in what you are doing, keep doing it and see where it leads you. You might not become a millionaire, but you will be interested in your chosen life and that will be fulfilling in itself.





    Good luck.
    Life's maths works different than yours. It doesn't look at age, gender or qualifications. If you are about to achieve something, you will achieve it. If you will do something, you;ll do it. Don't worrie about time!!

    Help! My life's a mess. Any advice?

    The last few years have been horrible for me.





    I came home one day to find that my husband had packed up and moved to another country with his ';girlfriend';! A number of close relatives died. I went to see my doctor and started therapy and antidepressants. I needed back surgery. Then, I got backstabbed by a co-worker. Finally, I was let go at work. My former boss gave me a good reference letter but took it back because of some lies from my backstabbing colleague.





    I took a loan and went back to graduate school for a year to take a ';time out';.





    I'm now having trouble sleeping and concentrating. More and more often, I'm feeling hopeless and scared about going back to real life. I'm scared I'll never get another good job, relationship or good luck. After keeping going like the Energizer Bunny for the last few years, I find that I'm ';processing'; what's happened and getting more depressed. Any advice on how to not let the past suck me back in? I don't know what to do.Help! My life's a mess. Any advice?
    I'm sorry about your family and what has happened to you.





    I'm young and have not entered the working world yet so i don't exactly know what it's like, but i have made bad decisions and have had tons of guilt creep up on me at night. I suggest going out with friends to the cinema and generally enjoying lots of time with them. It will help cheer you up and when you feel down at night you can think of the great time you had that day.


    For the Job I suggest starting of small and as you get more comfortable and confident you can push yourself a little further at your own pace.


    i find that time is a healer and the more you live it and enjoy it the further away the past seems.


    I hope that helps.Help! My life's a mess. Any advice?
    well, first of all. get a grip on yourself. take a deep breath. now make a list of all the good things you see in yourself. then make a list of all the bad things that's in your life. now after doing this weigh your opinions. on the good list name what makes you happy. then make a list of that eliminating the other things on the list that does not make you happy but make other people happy. now, make another list of your accomplishments and places you have been in your life like trips to France ,Africa and so on.even local trips to the store mall etc. now look at that list. now on the other hand do the same for your bad things that has happened in your life. write down which ones were directly the fault of yours?such as your co-worker back stabbing you or your boss not giving you the job reference and your husband leaving you.and your back problems. then make a list of that. and i will be willing to bet you that all your problems weren't your fault and you couldn't do anything to change them.life is full of ups and down. but it looks like you have had your share of downs. yes you do need to seek professional help and to get an anti depression. if you need someone to talk to just write me any time. oh speaking of writting. everytime you feel down just get on your computer or type writer and write down how you feel. don't leave anything out.let it rip! then rip it up and you will feel so much better. and if you have to cry. cry because crying is good for you. it heals the soul.oh, bye the way i am being treated for depression to .so, i know what you are going through. good luck in your search for psycological help.
    First off let me say I'm sorry, I'd give you a hug if I could. I don't know if you're a big scholar of the bible but what you described sounds exactly like the book of Job. Life can be hectic and throw you nine innings of curve balls, you just have to decide if you want to persevere or let them win.
    Life begins when you start it. Take a moment and a great big breathe, then start again. I would get a job hey if it's not the one you want, keep looking till that ';one'; comes along. Not sleeping and lack of concentration will go away as you get some wins back in your life. Take some small ones and celebrate them (candy bar for small) (clothes med). Learn to look back at some of the bad things as events that helped you move on in life. It's actually pretty invigorating to start again, you just have to look at it as an opportunity. Have fun.
    Sweetie, its o.k. You're just going thru a lull period right now. Everyone goes thru them. Some alot worse than yours. The trouble maker at work, let it go, it'll only weigh you down. I left my husband and loaded up two kids in my car, headed to a big city crying as I looked in my rear view mirror, leaving the only things I'd ever known. Once in the new city, I met people, landed this awesome job, couldn't believe I hadn't left sooner. You've heard, when one door closes another opens? It really is true. So you go to school knowing it %26amp; believing it.. Happiness is just around the corner.
    i am young....only 14 years old. but i know a lot about life already. when i was 12 i was raped by a boy i had a crush on. i found out that i was pregnant and my friends turned their backs on me calling me a whore. now i have a 2 year old daughter and i catch hell everyday from judgmental people. but my life is good. there was a point where i just wanted to die, and i tried to kill myself more than once, but i am still here. my point is in order to stop being so depressed you have to take your life back. you are the only one that has control over your life. if you continue to let the past rein over you, let go, that's the only way to beat this. realize that you can't change the past, but it can make you stronger. don't worry about tomorrow because its not promised, just live and be thankful for the moment you're in.
    You need one thing. Jesus. I can't tell you He will fix all your problems, but He will walk with you through them.

    Need advice for fiance, Love of my Life, who's afraid to do anything.?

    I've been with him for almost two years now and everything was going great - amazing, really - until recently. He dropped out of school halfway through the semester because he developed panic attacks. I believe this was due to his mother (who is a conniving witch who uses him to do her every whim, and he's too soft-hearted to say no) and the stress of college (he ended up taking showers once a week.) His mother also always did EVERYTHING for him. Now we're trying to plan a life together, but he ';hates making decisions'; and constantly has to be reminded for at least a week (no exaggeration) to get anything done. I know this all sounds terrible, but in everything else he is near perfect. He is the love of my life, and I need him so much. I've tried to break up with him once but I couldn't because he cried - and it just broke my heart. Now his mom is kicking him out in a week (he's had plenty of notice) but he isn't trying really hard to find a job or housing or anything. What can I do?Need advice for fiance, Love of my Life, who's afraid to do anything.?
    Hi





    He sounds like a very nice guy, but he is in desperate need of counseling. Try to encourage him to receive counseling. I wish you both the very best of luck.Need advice for fiance, Love of my Life, who's afraid to do anything.?
    he needs to see a counselor maybe even be put on meds. so he was perfectly fine and then one day he just started not caring sounds like he is really depressed and he needs some mental help you should seriously get him some counseling since he is doing nothing but get worse. you say you love him but sometimes you have to think about your self in life also what if this condition never gets better are you going to take care of him for the rest of his life?? just a thought?? but good luck on this situation hoping you the best
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