I really, really, really need advice about my mom, life, depression....?

Ok…where to start... Sorry if this is long and boring or sounds whiney, lol. I’ll try and keep as much as my home life out of this.





I keep telling my mom I’m not normal but she doesn’t take it so well…





I guess it all kind of started when I was just a little kid. When I was 3, I talked waaay too much for a three year old; I’d sit next to my dad and ask him something and then question something. However- I didn’t talk or walk until I was 18 months! I was basically a sack of potatoes up until then! When I hit 18 months, though, I just took off. The whole thing was weird.





So then in elementary school, I don’t think I ever really fit in. I had a couple of friends in school, I guess. But I spent most of my time by myself. I did fairly well in school, I was a nerd, I could’ve done better, but yeah, Dragon Ball Z was waaay more important than homework, lol.





Ok, so then, in like 4th grade, my teacher wanted to put me in this special math program (not to brag- I currently have no math skillo, whatsoever, so yeah), and have me tested for “giftedness;” however, my mom wouldn’t let me. She said she didn’t want me “to have a complex,” i.e. She didn’t want me to think I was better than everyone else. And yeah, I know, I don’t need anyone, especially not the school system, to tell me how freekin’ smart I am or am not, but…well let me just keep explaining…





Middle school rolls around. That’s where it all started to go downhill. My best friend from elementary school, my only friend basically, went to another school for the gifted program. So, MS was HELL. I tried to make some new friends; I didn’t like most of the kids in my classes, though. I can’t explain it. I just saw things differently from them. While 99% of the other girls were worrying about cloths, or makeup, or being “popular,” or, well, being a “girl,” I did my own thing i.e. draw, music, etc. That probably sounds conceited, like I’m self-absorbed, but, well, I just don’t like “the main population.” I tend to see everyone as tools before I meet them. And, I know, I shouldn’t judge them, and then complain about having no friends, but tools make me go nuts, and I avoid meeting one at all costs. I was also a lot more sensitive and moody then the girls at that age. I felt different from them.





Then came High School. I didn’t have a friend in the whole world (I don’t say this to make you feel sorry or anything- please, don’t). Most kids my age would go out and go to the mall or party or do something along those lines. I, on the other hand, spent most of my time by myself. Seriously, in the past, well 16 years, I’ve gone somewhere or have done something with someone, less than 10 times. I was a loner. And, I didn’t really mind that a whole lot, I did it on purpose. Like, it was too inconvenient to have friends, and I enjoyed being by myself anyway. I like to stay in, but at times, ya know, I want to tell someone something or I need help or I just want someone to be there, and there’s no one there, ‘cause I’ve pushed anyone who might have been my friend away. That’s when being a loner really gets to you.





Ok, so I’m currently a junior, I’ve found a couple of people I can really relate to (similar music interests, they don’t conform, etc.) -Not a lot, but it’s quality not quantity.





And, I’ve really started to look at my life and life in general. I’ve realized I’ve never been like most people- “the norm;” But, more so, I’ve realized I don’t WANT to be like other people. I mean, I don’t want to deliberately stand out or anything. But, unlike most people, I want to be myself all the time. And, to this, some people go, “oh, well, everyone is always themselves.” No, they’re not. They do things they normally wouldn't to fit in





The thought of being average doesn’t sit well with me, at all. I have this thing… it’s like an urgent, instinctual …well I want to change the world. Like, so much. Call me naïve or whatever, but, let me assure you, I proudly reside in Nutopia, 24/7.





Also, I believe I am depressed. My grandma, who was more of a mom than my actual mother, died, and there was this whole family feud over money, and it really helped me see how the world gets to be clearer than ever before. Also, I don’t really know how to put this, but I have this really, really, really, really bad way of releasing my emotions. My dad likes to call me retarded, and I believe him sometimes.





So I have all these emotions, for the world, other people, and stupid selfish ones that only concern me. And, well, I seriously think I’m not normal. I say this, not only because I don’t want to be, but I think that’s how I am naturally.





And so, I’ve confronted my mom, about being normal. In so many words, I told her “Mom, I’m not normal.” She freaked out. “YOU ARE NORMAL.” And then I started telling her some of the things I’ve told you, and she just ignored me. And I’m like “Mom! Stop ignoring me!” And she goes, “Well, you’re hurting my feelings.” And I’m like “What?!” SheI really, really, really need advice about my mom, life, depression....?
You are extraordinary. My name is Holly and I am exactly like you. It brought tears to my eyes to know someone is just the same as me in the world - someone who doesn't have friends, someone who is not like the rest, someone who is really their own best friend, and someone who has been through way more than the average teenager. I never felt like I fit in, for at a young age I realized that the whole world was followers and they only did or said things to be accepted. I thought I was all alone in this opinion of analyzing the world until I read this.





But listen to me - someone who has and is experiencing the same thing. If you have these feelings of resent and yell at yourself, saying you are not normal, COMPARING yourself to such followers and victimizing yourself - that will not make anything better. If your sensitivity makes you dislike them, this should help you accept such a thing and believe in yourself when nobody else does. Your suffering and negative experience makes you stronger than the average person when you become an individual in the future. If you have confidence in yourself, despite the opinions in the world - you will make it. You have so far.





I level with you on your mom trying to believe that her daughter is normal. But understand that she may not realize what you are going through and it may just seem like teenage hormones to her. She is not in the situation, thus it is hard for her understand. I'm sorry about your grandma. Think about it though. She died and do you think she would be happy with you if you took the pain out on yourself and lived everyday in terror? That is like taking her death in vain. Do what you think she wants and that's moving on with your life and not letting her death kill you inside, but the memory fulfill your mind.





The more a muscle man works out, the more muscular he'll get. And the more negative experiences you go through, you will really get stronger. It's a matter of adjusting to them. And accepting the world of lunatics and bad moments to move on for your benefit. I know you don't want to let go of such depressing things in your mind so easily, but it is no use if you suffocate your mind with negativity. Take deep breaths and realize you have potential. There are people out there like you, believe me. Some may be lunatics in this world, but there are people who would love to meet someone like you - someone who is true to their feelings - who has a genuine nature, as oppose to everyone else. You are different and special - don't let the world make you look at this with such hate. Keep it as a positive trait for you have control of your life - nobody else. People may reject you all your life, but YOU are the one who takes it personally. Believe in yourself and hang in there. Life gets better when you pass high school. If you want to talk, I'm here.





Best wishes.I really, really, really need advice about my mom, life, depression....?
Your mom might have just been upset since she long ago realized that you didn't exactly fit in but she didn't want to accept this fact or as you can say bring it into light. She probably blames herself for you being a loner since she thinks it's her job to raise you to be ';perfect.';
what is normal? conforming to the masses,doing what you think you should do because everyone else is,if everyone followed this pattern the world as we know it would never move on.as for being depressed maybe you are.75% of the population are depressed at some point.the human psyce needs fellow human beings to fullfill a healthy life,so try and make some friends
I see your still long winded, lol. Lets start with the word normal, its a flexible word. What is normal for me, may not be so with you, ie being long winded or talking a lot. It appears to be normal for you not so with me. That's just the tip of the flexibility. It goes into all aspects of life. Being a loner is not abnormal its just that the number may be smaller,anyway you seem to have moved past being a total loner. Your relationship with you mother seems to be a problem area for you. Almost all girls have a Tempest-in-a-teapot relationship with their mothers, maybe you should not use the word normal to describe the problem your having. Try another word like difficult or difficulty. ie Mom things are difficult for me or Mom I'm having a lot of difficulty, she may have a definition of the word normal in her mind that is just unacceptable to hear her daughter saying she's not normal. Take it easy on her it will be good for you both in the long run. As for your Dad, he's just wrong to call you names and he should stop. you have to know inside yourself their not true. Hang in there girl you'll make it through this. Try to listen as well as talk when it comes to your family.
you need to make efforts to make friends....I had tons of friends in hischool....it was great....